


#Quality!

by RoanOaks



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Sherlock (TV), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: BDSM, Humor, Kinks, M/M, No Smut, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 15:14:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13707078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoanOaks/pseuds/RoanOaks
Summary: Been watching Sherlock recently so here's Irene Adler, "The Woman," meeting Spider-Man and Deadpool. Lmao this is like 75% crack, but at least it's in character?Anyways, Spider-Man and Deadpool marvel at the quality of Irene's stuff.





	#Quality!

**Author's Note:**

> To all the people who read my other shit, u truly apologize. I've been trying to write Peter and Wade talking about kinks (sorta.) but like I can't incorporate in my other fics atm a convo like that and I didn't wanna write a one shot because like whyyyy but I started watching Sherlock and boom! I came up with this. I was gonna write kinky smut but smut is not really my forte, and again, I'd just been watching Sherlock.

Spider-Man mumbled against the kiss as teeth pulled roughly at his lower lip, fumbling with his hands behind him to open the window latch. A few seconds of muffled grunts, the window opens behind him and he falls through with a surprised sound that's drowned out by the lips that were absolutely not deterred by the fall. Spider-Man pushes against Deadpool's chest.

"Wade, Wade, one second-" Wade pulls himself up and Peter goes to shut the window and lock it. A second after the lock clicks, Wade's on him again. Peter turns, connecting their mouths in another kiss, and reaches with his hand for the bedside table the kept by the window for one such night as this.

His hand falls through air, which causes him to go stumbling to the side before he catches himself, Wade pulling at the collar of his shirt before Peter pulls away a second time. "Wade! I think we're in the wrong home!' He hisses, and Wade stops to look around.

"Shit!" He curses, pulling back to rush over to the window. Peter follows, tugging his mask over his eyes around he tries to find the lock again. Wade kisses him, which is a stupid decision but their horny and exceeding in adrenaline at the moment.

"Wade! We need to-" the door to the room opens, and both of them freeze.

"We can explain!" Peter yelps, pulling away.

"Well I should hope so," comes a somewhat amused  tone of voice. He tracks it to the body of a woman.

"Well, we were gonna fuck-"

"Wade!" Peter scolds, before turning to the woman. "We went into the wrong house, I'm so sorry!"

"The moods ruined," Wade whines, "Now if we fuck it won't have the same effect!"

"Wade!" Peter scolds yet again. "Not now- don't-" Peter swats the roaming hand trying to grope his ads and hisses in an almost threatening tone, "Not now."

"Oooh baby boy, don't talk like that it's totally turning me on!" Wade teases. Peter groans, dropping his head in hands in a facepalm. He doesn't bother swatting the roaming hand this time.

"Well you're welcome to stay for a cup of tea, if you like," comes the voice. Its a polite request, but the voice sounds a lot more amused.

Peter pauses for thought. "That sounds nice, thanks."

"I'll bring some in." The woman walks out, and Peter walks away from the window to look around the room. He catches sight of whips on the vanity, and moves to look at them.

"Wade! These are quality, look!" He sort of whispers, and Wade comes over to look at another one.

Five minutes later and their avidly engaging in a conversation about how fucking high quality the stuff around the room was. Irene walks in with a tray of tea and stops for a moment to listen in, before Peter turns to her.

"Oh, shit, sorry, I didn't mean to snoop," he stammers, putting the whip back where he found it.

"It's quite alright," Irene replies, setting the tray down. "I take it you-"

"Where did you get these?" Wade asks, waving a whip in the air, "This is good shit!"

Peter snorts, and then giggles. Wade starts giggling to. Apparently that was an inside joke. Wade lightly smacks Peter with the tool, and Peter makes an offended noise before grabbing the one he'd been holding previous and smacking Wade back.

Cue sword fighting with while like the eight year olds they were. (They were not, in fact, eight. Peter was twenty-seven, and Wade was somewhere around there.) Peter giggles like a maniac when the whip hits him in the face, and he smacks Wade back.

It takes ten minutes for Irene to get them to settle down. They sit on the bed, sides touching and giggling like fools and talk pleasantly about who does who in bed. (They switch, frequently.) And at one point Wade nips Peter's neck for 'purely demonstrative purposes,' and Peter webs his hands up for much the same reason.

Irene talks about being professionally known as The Woman, and about the various scandals she's caused. At one point, Peter and Wade show her various positions and  at one point she shows them her closet of outfits. (Peter shoves them out and just kind of slams the door shut and squeals like it's his birthday for a full the minutes before walking out with a giddy expression on his face. (They had taken off their masks at some point.))

Eventually, Peter and Wade leave. With a list of contacts and the promise to return for more conversations. (Wade keeps mentioning threesomes, Peter's not entirely sure he likes the idea.)


End file.
